jennyfly

Courting Commando - A Probe Below History's Belt

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 2:07 PM

 Okay, so like, seriously.  I think that maybe meeting deadlines with these interviews is like, totally stressing me out or something.   I mean, it really could have been the veggie-chimichanga that I ate before bed. Oh-  and I’ve been reading a Jane Austen novel for my literature class.  That might have something to do with it.  But whether it was stress, spicy foods, or reading about romantic heroines… I had a really weird dream.  Since it was Saturday and I knew I didn’t have to worry about getting up early for class or anything, I totally just went with it.  I found myself walking into a parlour dressed for proper English tea. 

Did you know that underneath all of those layers and skirts that women wore in like, 1815, they didn’t wear underwear?  I didn’t either.  Until I dreamed it.    And since I was interviewing a really pretty girl in my dream named Alice, I decided to be sure to ask her about the whole ‘going commando’ issue while I was getting to know her.  So… here’s what happened when I interviewed Alice in my dream.

***

Me:  Well, first... I'd like to thank you for taking the time to uh.. do this interview for me. Even though, it's like totally weird that I have to wear this dress and all this stuff. I feel like my Uncle when he goes to those civil war reenactments. Only I'm pretty sure he gets to wear underwear.  And if he doesn’t… I don’t wanna know about it. 
 
Alice:  Oh, you know the Civil War? Damn Roundheads.   And what is this ... underwear of which you speak? 

Me:  Ohh... you know. Panties? Boy shorts? G-strings... t-bars? Underwear... you know. To wear under your... oh. Nevermind. So... how old are you? 

Alice:  I am not yet nineteen. 

Me:  Yeah, well.  I’m not yet nineteen either.  But then again, I’m not yet eighteen, either. 
 (I totally waited for her to giggle or something.  She totally didn’t get that I was joking.) 

Me:  Okay. And you live in this house... which is awesome, by the way... with who? 

Alice:  Alton House was my family's ancestral home for many generations. It now belongs to our very distant cousin Sir Emmett, who has graciously allowed us to stay with him while our new house is being prepared.  We have had the extraordinary luck to have fine gentlemen stay here as Sir Emmett's guests. Mr. Cullen and Mr. Whitlock.  

(When she mentioned the last dude, she totally started blushing.  I’m guessing that women haven’t changed that much in all these years.  She must be totally crushing on this Whitlock guy.) 

Me:  What can you tell me about your houseguests? 

Alice:  Well, Mr. Cullen seems to be a bit aloof, although it seems to me he has formed a bit of an attachment to my cousin Bella. Mr. Whitlock is the kindest, gentlest, strongest, and handsomest man one could ever hope to meet. Oh, and did I mention intelligent? And handsome?  

(Yep.  I was right.  She’d totally go toe-up for this guy.) 

Me:  You kinda seem like you have a thing for Mr. Whitlock 

Alice:  Me? Why, I ... 

Me:  That's totally okay. I mean... I get it. I've liked this guy named Mike for like... I don't know. At least three years. And we are totally, totally meant to be. I mean, once I get him to figure it out. Ya know?  So... isn't it hard to like, date and stuff? For you? I mean... don't you have some weird societal rules about being proper and all that stuff? 

Alice:  I do indeed. My cousin taught me that sometimes, men need a little nudge in the right direction. 

Me:  Your cousin sounds like my kind of girl. 

Alice:  Oh, am I sure you and Bella would be the best of friends.  Oh… and when you asked about dating?  Do you mean courting?  Yes, it is quite amusing to constantly be in the presence of a chaperone.  Although, just between you and me, there are ways to be alone with a gentleman. Oh, please, never mention that to Mama. 

Me:  Oh God! Well... that's one thing that hasn't changed. I don't want my Mother to know what I've been up to either!    I want to know a little more about what it's like being you. Give me three pros and three cons to being... who you are…where you are or when you are. 

Alice:  Well, I suppose the best aspects of my life are having lots of pretty frocks, never having to empty the chamber pot, and having the sweetest sister and cousin a girl could ever want. 

Me:  I saw a family portrait in the hall.  Don’t you have more than one sister?  

Alice:  Oh, yes, I do. Jane is my younger sister. 

(Okay.  So that’s when Alice gave me sort of a weird stare.  And I know it was a dream and everything.  But she really had me curious.) 

Me:  You aren't as close with her? 

Alice:  Well, of course I love her - she is my sister. But...   she is a bit wild. 

Me:  Oh my god. I totally know what you mean. I mean... like... I don't have a sister. But I have a cousin who is totally wild. And just because she gives bejayskis to just like anyone, the guys she hangs out with like totally think I'll do the same. But that's for like... at least the third or fourth date. Ya know. But it's probably not appropriate for the school paper anyway. So... what is your favorite way to pass the time? 

Alice:  I'm sorry? bejayskis? 

Me:  Moving on: 

Hobbies? Pass-times?  And how do you stand wearing these dresses? I mean really! It makes my boobs look good and everything. But I can hardly breathe! 

Alice:  Yes, we [nineteenth century] women fill our days with numerous important activities. Sewing, playing and instrument, singing, painting, speaking French, a little reading... 

Me:  What about shopping? Like... the mall? 

Alice:  The mall? In front of Buckingham Palace? 

Me:  You know what? Nevermind. I need to go. I haven't been without my underwear this long since like... Junior prom. And to be honest, I am really kinda hoping that if I start meditating about like hot guys with their shirts off or something, I can still salvage what’s left of this REM time.  Ya know?  Oh-  speaking of hot guys…Good luck with Mr. Whitlock... and thanks for the interview! 

Alice:  It has been my pleasure, Miss Stanley. But I assure you - I have taken luck out of the equation with Mr. Whitlock. 

***

Then she winked at me.  Winked.  This blushing, simpering miss winked and blushed… and she didn’t have me fooled for one second.  She totally knew what a bejayski was.  I have a feeling underneath all of that satin and ribbon, we were more alike than I would have ever guessed.  Aside from the whole underwear thing.  I mean, really.  Gross. 
 
 

BellsNWhistles

query

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 12:55 PM

I was wondering.  When you are writing fic AND beta-ing said fic, is there a grammar handbook ya'll use?  What about the BEST writing handbook and/or grammar book you have ever some across?

I need to brush up on my skillz and I also need to be able o 'splain some things to my kids once in a while and not sound like an idiot.  Help?

I was watching the Castle rerun last night RIGHT BEFORE the last few epis of the first season of Californication (OMG, I LOVE that show and never thought I would LIKE it at ALL!) and Castle was all, "Dangling whosey-whatsit" and shite.  I got all A's in English in highschool and college, but my grammar-IT SUCKETH!

Help a girl out?  TIA!

(this should follow guidelines Rangers, it is interactive and about fic-- if not so sorry!)

hellorobert

New "Ask Rob" video!

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 12:36 PM

jenks

Updates that didn't alert

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 12:36 PM

Just Wait by instantkarmagirl

The Naked Guy Upstairs by angrybadgergirl

Mason1901

In desperate need!!

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 11:51 AM

 

I am getting ready to go to work and its just one of those days were I just really don't feel like going. So I wanted to ask you guys for some help...I need a boost or a pick me up and the only thing that can cure my blues is some Rob Porn! So if i could get some help it would be greatly appreciated!!

imdonewiththatnow

Robert on Jimmy Fallon

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 11:50 AM

Robert Pattinson will appear on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon,” Gossip Cop can confirm.

Gossip Cop hears from multiple sources it’s close to a done deal, and both sides are trying to lock in the exact date. Most likely it will be either March 1 or March 2.

Pattinson will be doing press for Remember Me, his film with Emilie de Ravin.

 

Gossip Cop will update as soon as the exact date is confirmed.

Fallon, of course, has had some fun at Pattinson’s expense in the past, showing videos of a “bothered” “Pattinson” airing grievances from a tree.

fresh_princess27

Bella's Eighty-Eighth Birthday Part 2!

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 9:29 AM

 

The second half to the hilarious Twilight Spoof is out!  Watch the part one first if you haven't already!

(Part 2)


barelybreathing

You laugh You lose

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 9:13 AM

Y'all know how to play right?

People keep posting funny stories or images or gifs and you see how long you can hold out before laughing.

I will start......

 

wolvesnvamps approved this :)

BellsNWhistles

SCARINESS

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 9:08 AM

NEED A RANGER's help, who is around that I could chat with via gmail chat?

cod46

FFnet fail again?

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 8:51 AM

One friend of mine is reading Rabbit Hole by profmom72 and she did not get the alert for it. Neither for Daddy´s Little Girl by TheSpoiltOne&Footroza.

 

Does anyone know if there are more updates? I am checking my fav list and so far I can not find another fail but, just in case...

shouvley

Oscar Nom

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 7:43 AM

Anna Kendrick has been nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for Up In the Air.

Congratulations to her. It is well deserved.

My real question is this: In the trailer for Eclipse will she now get top billing?

"Academy Award Nominee Anna Kendrick, Razzie Nominees Robert Pattinson, Kristin Stewart, and Taylor Lautner." 

katinki

A Bad Review and Now I'm Blue

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 7:39 AM

So, What to Do? /rhyming silliness

On a semi-serious note, I wanted you guys' perspectives. 

First off, let me just say that I'm feeling some super-emo-weirdness emotionally right now (and this is so not me, thus I'm kind of lost on how to deal). I'm depressed cause I had to put my dog down, I'm elated over two of my fics getting Indie noms, and I'm experiencing my normal post Renfield-porn-writing strangeness all at the same time. So, yeah, maybe I'm "sensitive" or something.

Cutting to the chase... I received my very first "negative" review last night, not for Dark Games (or I'd probably have freaked out since it is like my child right now), but rather for my ridiculously artsy, experimental piece for the Twi25 challenge (I'm doing a multi - it's called Escape/ Exculpation in case you wondered).

From the very start, I KNEW that some people would just hate it. It isn't normal or expected. It's highly artsy and very stream of consciousness-ish. I chose this route because A. I wanted to tell a story in a unique fashion, B. I wanted to do the Twi 25 and REALLY challenge and push myself, and C. I wanted to play with sounds and words and cadences. Hence, my clove-cig-smokin-art-mess. But I kinda love it.  

The review. It wasn't necessarily nasty. In fact, I wouldn't say it was even mean per se. But I can't help it; it's bugging the shit out of me. For a few reasons:

 - She posted it anonymously (so I can't have a discussion with her and explain why I chose to go the route I did) ---> cue disable anon reviews, I know.

 - She started it out with "I have a bone to pick with you..." For some reason, that little snippet just ran all over me.

 - Despite rather thoroughly bashing my poetic tendencies, not once did she say anything nice. I'm like, why bother reading and commenting? I'm great with constructive feedback - I love it. But normally, folks couch it inside of some positives. So, it doesn't sting.

Anywho, not meaning to vent. Mostly, I'm just curious what your thoughts are on negatives reviews in general. Do you pay attention to them? Do they effect your writing? Do you just say 'fuck it' and move on? Have you ever felt guilty about a review you've left?

Some Rob porn for your time (yes, I'm kinda digging his messed up hair here):

 

 

 

 

wtvoc

someone fic this, please

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 12:21 AM

ever listen to a song and think

goddom, someone make this into a fic already

?

 

tell me who i have to be

to gain some reciprocity?

see, no one loves you more than me-

and no one ever will.

what're yours?  hell, maybe someone'll get an idea from it.

imdonewiththatnow

Relax

Tuesday February 2, 2010 at 12:01 AM

Hi

I asked wolvesnvamps for approval for this post. She laughed and said it was much needed tonight. So here it goes.............

How do you relax? What do you do to come down from a tough day? A few glasses of wine, some music and a foot rub usually puts me in a better place but I am really curious to know how everyone chills.

DELETED USER

Blinded by the light

Monday February 1, 2010 at 9:40 PM

 

Of Rob's pale-ass legs. This is how I know we're soulmates. We are the same shade of dead-fish white.

 

Rob plopped in front of the computer, catching up on the latest episode of 'Trainwreck'. He is Team Joe, all the way, but preferred the beard.

 

Dear Rob, don't drop the soap. Luv, C75

 

Dear WTVOC, I luv you. Your freyond, C75

DELETED USER

what makes you go WTF?

Monday February 1, 2010 at 9:36 PM

I just blew Tor's mind by telling her this guy:




went on to be this guy:




NOW WE ARE DISCUSSING HOW CITY HIGH ARE THE FUGEES PART TWO BECAUSE CLAUDETTE ORITZ LEFT BOBBY FOR RYAN AND IT RUINED THE BAND.

When I learned what The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill was actually about my mind SHE WAS BLOWN.


What has blown your mind lately campers?

Miztrezboo

Are you one of them..

Monday February 1, 2010 at 8:56 PM

 Because there are a few of us in a previous post that are still STILL gushing all over 

FATE OF GABRIEL's  - THE ELITE

we figured why not open it up to the WHOLE ADF world..

so.. have you read it? if not why not..because you'll FALL in love

and its complete.. and it has outtakes..

Doing what rich people do is easy." Same old story, Twilight twist. St. Olaf's is a prestigious boarding school, dripping with money, sex, and social hierarchy. But there's only one question to ask yourself: are you one of Them or one or The Elite?

oh how i loved this fic.. STILL love this fic. We had so SO much fun over on her Forum back in the day.. 

we even had badges..

      

 

HeBelongstoMe

Decisions. . .

Monday February 1, 2010 at 8:19 PM

 

 

As many of you know, the musicians St. Vincent and Editors are both on the New Moon Soundtrack. Both are coming to Denver on February 13th. Which show should I go to?

Also, what concerts are you attending in your own town?

 

    

    

 

DELETED USER

Are they metrosexual????

Monday February 1, 2010 at 8:17 PM

Hello campers out there... this is my first campfire and I'm a little nervous... I have a question for authors...

I've been wondering, after reading too much fanfiction, why is that when Edward, Jasper or Emmet describe their girl's clothes, they usually do it with so much detail...

For instance... Bella was wearing a lovely blue chiffon blouse, with peep toe pumps, blah, blah, blah... and I've seen this in a lot of fics...

Men don't pay attention to clothes! Well, they do like to see their women wearing nice things, but they would usually describe them as "nice blue shit, it looked hot on her..."

Authors out there... Do you do this consciously or it's just comes naturally and never thought about it?

 

To thank you for your atention here's some Robporn

Oh, God, I love this picture!

 

DELETED USER

Chuck Norris did it

Monday February 1, 2010 at 7:58 PM

 this was a conversation i had with the lovely anythingzombie about ADF being hacked (this may only be funny to us)

OH and this was approved by pixevamp!

 

me: yes ma'am
  LMAO
  ADF is down again
 anythingzombie: Seriously?
 me: yup
 anythingzombie: Oh. Yes it is.
8:31 PM me: oh jeez
8:32 PM i wonder who hacked them
 anythingzombie: Hackers, that's who!
 me: SMART!
  never would've guessed hackers
 anythingzombie: I know.
 me: i was thinking..like..monkeys or something
 anythingzombie: It's either hackers or Chuck Norris. Or monkeys.
8:33 PM me: OMG.
  It's totally Chuck Norris
 anythingzombie: YES!
8:34 PM me: hehe
  it was the beard
  he was jealous of Rob's beard
 anythingzombie: YES!! OMG!! You're on to something!
 me: YES! It's all so clear now
8:35 PM anythingzombie: THE BEARD BROKE ADF!!
 me: YES OMG!!!!
  WE ARE GONNA HAVE BEARD WARS
 anythingzombie: BEARDS WARS!!!
8:36 PM me: YES! it's gonna be brutal
  Joe should be glad he shaved
 anythingzombie: He should! LMFAO!
 me: WAIT...WHAT IF CHUCK WAS JEALOUS OF JOE TOO!
 anythingzombie: AND HE JUST PLANNED TO BURN DOWN THE FOREST BEFORE ANYONE ELSE GOT A SHMEXY BEARD!
8:37 PM me: YES!!! OMG!!! WE SHOULD ALERT THE RANGERS AT ONCE
 
 
and later...
 
me: adf went back up and crashed again
  lmao. damn that chuck norris
  he got them good
 anythingzombie: He did!
9:08 PM me: we should kidnap Joe
  for like...his safety..and stuff...
 anythingzombie: Yeah...and we should like, tie him up and stuff...for more safety.
9:09 PM me: yes
  naked. cuz clothes can be dangerous
 anythingzombie: Yes.
 me: yes
 anythingzombie: :D
9:10 PM me: :)
  whip cream is safe
 anythingzombie: So are bed's and us also not wearing clothes.
 me: yes. that's all very safe. Chuck will never find him there
9:11 PM anythingzombie: Nope.
 
 
SEE THE KIND OF CONVERSATIONS WE ARE REDUCED TO WHEN ADF IS DOWN?!?!?
 
what crazy things were you reduced to?!?

 

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